hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
