the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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