sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
