forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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