So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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