we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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