BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
