8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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