somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
