My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize