i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
