why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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