It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
