my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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