Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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