Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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