the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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