I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
