i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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