Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
