i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
