I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
where am i from again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
