Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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