what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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