Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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