Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
