she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
