my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
