I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize