I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
