Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
