I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
