She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
