We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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