Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dear god my vagina.
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