then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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