My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
