How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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