margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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