i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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