this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
