Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
