This is not my ceiling
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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