I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
