You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
