I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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