apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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