meet me or not, i'm out of control
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
