im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize