I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
