question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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