Whod you bang
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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