Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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