I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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