Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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