I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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