Im at strip club and am horny
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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