I hate your face
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
